In the Meantime...

mean·time

ˈmēnˌtīm/

adverb

1. meanwhile.

   "in the meantime, I'll make some inquiries of my own"

We are 6 months into the year, and I am still scraping to get by.  Day after day of wondering where the money can come from...  Day after day of hoping that I will get enough customers through the door to make it all work.  Day after day of shattered hopes and dreams.  Frustration has set in long ago and I feel like I don't have any other hoops to jump through, I feel like I have thrown to the ground and trampled, I feel so very humiliated and defeated.  Should I have those feelings, probably not, but do I?  Yes.  

So tomorrow will come and I will go to work and I will hope for a better day and more money through the door and a miracle, yes I find myself hoping for those lately too.  I will walk through the door proudly tomorrow morning with renewed hope that the day will be better and the money will come and that the bills will get paid on time... and then I will hope that I can leave tomorrow night not feeling quite so defeated or so stupid.  It is really hard to go everyday when you know that the bottom line is, if people aren't going to shop with us, we won't be able to stay open.

I cannot make my own money, I cannot make people spend money they don't have and I cannot beg them to buy in my store.  I am at the mercy of the general public and that my friends is one of the scariest places I have ever been.  

Years have passed and we are closer to the end of the mortgage then we were when this whole recession thing started... More in debt, and a whole lot of gray hairs more... but we are closer, so tomorrow I will go to work with the hope that more will come if I keep trying to make them happy.
That the money will once again flow in so that we may pay it out to our vendors.  That people will somehow find more peace in their hearts that they can be more pleasant and I wish the same for me.   
A wise woman once told me to have some faith, no matter how bad it is it could be worse...and I suppose that is the truth of it because over the years I thought it couldn't get worse and here I am testing those waters again.... Her motto is to ask the higher up...  In the meantime?  In the meantime, what do I do? In the meantime how do I get by?  In the meantime.....

So In the meantime, I suppose I will get up and go to work tomorrow.  In the meantime, I will try to make some more connections, I will try to be a better person and in the meantime, I will continue to make my customers happy and feel loved.  In the meantime I will believe that good things will some day come my way if I work hard.  In the meantime I might shed a tear or two, question my judgement, and feel like I am going to have a heart attack, but in the meantime I will put one foot in front of the other and plow forward, just like I am suppose to until I can't anymore.  
As Always,
A wondering Shop Owner that feels today the weight of owning your own business.